finally went for trng today. after a long time. but what a pity coach wasn't there. so yup.
the first 1/2 hour of trng was bad, i was thinking about tsd, abt the senior's ds i was supposed to go for. abt leaving tsd. but the last hour of trng was so much better, after talking to mr chua, and sorting out some thoughts in my mind. so i concentrated and put my 100% in bowling. and i got a high game today (: i was really happy. it was just like another milkshake that made my day!
yup so after trng, i went back to school for slot. i was pondering if i should step into 24hours. that place suddenly seemed so intimidating. it felt very distant, as if signalling to me to 'keep away'. it reminded me of the.. danger zone. i don't know why. this time, it was just different. i've always felt happy entering 24hours, reminiscing the happy moments spent there, but today, i felt scared. i didn't want to cross that line, to face the tsdians.. to breathe the scent of the newly renovated designer's studio, and to physically walk through the room. it was weird, i didn't feel that sense of belonging at that moment.
a thousand thoughts filled my mind: no more entering the 24hrs, day and night studio, clinic; going to the LT AVA where it wld be freezing cold, listening to the teachers speak; attending workshops that held a whole lot of fun. no more looking forward to senior's slots, changing into blacks and walking around school to let people know you're from tsd. no more staying in school till 9plus and climbing over the school gates together, or going to 7eleven to buy cup noodles for dinner. no more talks from mr lofthouse, mrs low and the seniors. no more gm's that made us feel so fearful, no more collecting funds for tsd, or collecting journals on mondays. no more using the phrase "beg, borrow or steal" so freely. no more stepping into the costume room rummaging through heaps of clothes to find suitable ones for seniors' is, or going to the props room digging through tons of things to find an ashtray/cup/alcohol bottle etc. no more rushing around looking so flustered about seniors' prelims. no more laughing at seniors for banging into the console/grabbing their phones away to see 'secret' messages/ teasing them/ bullying them by saying that they sat on the garden table that's why it broke etc.
no more of such fond memories.
it all ends here .
anyway, today i met serene, whose presence was really enough. yea, didn't say alot thou. then saw steph who gave me a big fatt hugggg! i felt so comforted!!! and then ms elegant who was totally unelegant when she hugged me (i guess she was feeling rather happy at it! haha (: )
i love hugs. they are warm, fuzzy and comforting. they make me happier.
then some seniors asked why im quitting and stuff. felt very confused again. it was like waves of confusion reaching out to me, causing me to feel so perplexed. i hate that feeling - of being so lost.
y.iN*g
19th oct 1988
scgs.vjc
bowling (:
and maybe youu*
[[*My Adores*]]
bowling.dancing.
spending time with my friends
pigging out.watching movies.
stargazing.watching sunset/sunrise
pink/purple things
stars, glittery stuff
clothes!(:
my*neverland
[[*princess talks*]]
i'll be your princess if you be my prince
[[*Music's Playing*]]
Friday I'm in Love
//visit Iwebmusic for music
[[*Cinderella's Past Stories*]]
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[[*Credits*]]
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